MY IMMORTAL
by PerhapsItRains
Summary: One-shot, songfic (My Immortal, Evanescence) Mistakes are only natural. But when someone is gone because of your own mistake, what does that do to your mind? Especially when it's someone you never got to tell...how much you loved them...AoshiMisao


A/N: Well, seeing as I had not yet written any songfics, I decided to give it a try. And, of course, it being written by yours truly, It's bound to be on the dark side......ah, the things you can do when you're home sick BESIDES doing makeup work. Anything but that! Anyway, This is written to the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence. I'll admit, It IS an Aoshi and Misao fic, but, as I said before, it's also a little......messed up...... ^_^0  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. I *do* have a Kenshin clone, but that doesn't count, does it? *looks up anxiously* I don't have to give it away, do I? *hugs Kenshin clone* Well, the point is, I don't own them. Just torture them. That's it. Oh, yeah. And the song is by Evanescence. Do you really think I'm that talented? But you knew that. I just put this here so I don't get sued.  
  
Oh, and do not forget to REVIEW. Pweez.  
  


One more thing, Thank you to:

Song of the Muse: for telling me about the italics.  Much thanks!

.

  
Misao lay under the Sakura trees.  
  
'I can't think. What have I done to you? I can't leave. I can't stay. _I'm so tired of being here._'  
  
Blank stare, behind closed eyes.  
  
'What have I done to myself. Standing here. _Suppressed by all my childish fears_. But these fears are no longer just nightmares. Shadows are now real.'  
  
Unhealed wounds.  
  
'I wanted you to stay.  _And if you have to leave_, I wish you would just take away all the memories. All the pain.  _I wish that you would just leave_.  
  
Bloody knife, left behind.  
  
'Because I can still see your smile, still feel your tears. _Because your presence still lingers here._'  
  
Pure soul, tainted by love.  
  
'You smile. Your joy. Your happiness. I don't deserve it, I don't want it. _And it won't leave me alone._'  
  
Never forgotten.  
  
'Damn it. I can't forget. It's just too soon. Your words, your note. You thought that's all you left. You thought I'd never cry. But.  _These wounds won't seem to heal_. I'm crying now. My soul, my heart. Do you think that will bring you back?'  
  
What it takes.  
  
'No. For you, it's over. For me. For me, _this pain is just too real_. It would have been easier. Easier. If you had left a mark. A physical scar. But I'm just selfish. Of course, you don't have to live with the guilt.'  
  
Whatever it takes.  
  
'There's too much.  _There's too much that time cannot erase_. Years. I could wait that long. But the words I read are burned into my eyes, the blood I saw I will never forget. Why. That's all I want to know. Is it my fault I could not say it? You. Young. Impatient.'  
  
My soul  
  
'I knew you for forever. I comforted you then. Then you grew up. And I fell in love.  _When you cried I'll wipe away all your tears_. I promised, didn't I. But.'  
  
To save yours.  
  
'But you. You saved me, didn't you. You knew.  _And you screamed I'll fight away all of your fears_. But you were young. I knew you didn't know anything. So I didn't listen. I didn't listen.'  
  
Just come back.  
  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_, but I didn't actually look at you. I never said a word that told you anything. So much wasted time. Too many things unsaid. If only I had listened. If only I had heard.'  
  
You never said a word.  
  
'You are lucky. So lucky. You are no longer here, but you took me to the grave.  _You still have………all of me_. You left, and I went with you. Now my body's just an empty shell. And you. Lucky.'  
  
So I wrote down mine.  
  
'You. You looked up to me. You didn't know that it was you I admired. You captured me, did you know? Mesmerized me. _You used to captivate me by your resonating mind_, your pureness, your absolute happiness.'  
  
You never understood.  
  
'Now.  _Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_, I cannot forget. I sit in your room, remembering the better days. We were all there, then. And the others, too. You, and me, and them. I remember when he said you cried. Because I was coming back. Alive.'  
  
Can you really live.  
  
'You. I loved you. But love has its limits. And I know you did this on purpose. But now. _Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams_, and I hate you for it. I hate you.'  
  
Knowing you brought this.  
  
'But it's not right. How can I stand here on this ground and insult you? But I can. I have an excuse. _Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me_. That's my excuse. The guilt burns, but my hate fuels it. And now, because of you, I have to live. But have I ever really been that honor- bound?'  
  
Upon yourself.  
  
'But it repeats itself, this endless dirge, and I wonder if I really ever knew the meaning of the word emotion. _These wounds won't seem to heal, the pain is just too real_. And I ask: was it this real for you? Did I really not have a clue? Is it possible for one so full of life to have such dark thoughts, such dark moments...it is, isn't it.  
  
I do not say this out of love.  
  
'Time. Some it takes ten years and they still cry out in their sleep. Some just forget. But time will not erase blood. Now I know what He was talking about. Talk about Judging. But this was not my fault. And still. Still.  _There's just too much that time cannot erase_. I really can't imagine you doing that to yourself. Did you know, I wanted to believe it was murder. But you ruined that. I hate you.'  
  
Or even out of hate.  
  
'You wrote that note on purpose. I can see you now. Deliberately. I couldn't even finish reading it. I still haven't. And it's been a month. But I still remember. I remember your tears. Droplets of glass, shattering onto the floor. They filled your eyes and streamed down your face. And that promise. I forgot.  _When you cried I'll wipe away all your tears_. It wasn't on purpose.'  
  
I'm just tired.  
  
'Demons. I always wondered what they sounded like. But I never thought they would sound like you. Never imagined they would repeat your words over and over again.  _When you screamed I'll fight away all your fears, and I held your hand through all of these years_. They're just words. So why do they scare me so much?'  
  
And feel like I'm not wanted.  
  
'You left. And I'm here. I hate you, so I can't let you go. But really, who is holding on to who? You.  _You still have………all of me_.'  
   
So I'm leaving.  
  
'I can't remember. _I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_. But I forget. I wake up and expect to hear you. I tell myself that if I sit still long enough you'll come to bother me. I never told you, but I liked that. I never told you a lot of things. But you never told me, did you? Everyone found you so Obvious, so you felt you never had to say.'  
  
But I'm not coming back.  
  
'I can't forget. I can never remember you're gone, but I can never forget finding you. No-one ever could. No. Not the first time. They were there to help. But they weren't there to help me when I found your body. They have been gone for years now. _But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along_. You made me sane. Human, even. Then you left, and you took everything back. I never thought you were this cruel.'   
  


.

  
. . And so, with this, my last, I say this much.  
  
_When you cried I'll wipe away all your tears,  
  
When you screamed I'll fight away all of your fears,  
  
And I held your hand through all of these years,  
  
You still have………all of me._  
  


.  
Because I have always loved you, and always will. So you will have to live.  
  
Consider it honor. Because I know you don't care about anything else………  
  
.  
  
Yes. She lay under the Sakura trees. The stone was gray, and bore no name. She hadn't wanted it so. It only said.  
  
_All of me_.  
  


.

  
And the letter, so carefully written.  
  
Crumpled up.  
  
For he had just read the rest.  
  
Left for a month. Only a month. But long enough for hatred to brew.  
  
Until he read. .  
  
Yes, the carefully written letter.  
  
Signed, in her writing.  
  
. Love, Misao.  
  
. What was honor, anyway? . . Crumpled up.  
  
The word love was blotched by a tear.  
  
He finally did cry. . . And for now they could share the tombstone, since for both, life was a distant memory.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
. So, I hope you people understood the whole letter business....The words between the thought are images then they change to the next of the letter....A bit tricky to understand, but I'm sure all you smart people got it....right? Anyway, Please review, even if you hated it entirely. I like to be told.  Also, I know Misao was OOC committing suicide, but hey, I LIKE dark fics.  And so.....let the flames begin.  
  
REVIEW!!!!


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